I started having some back pain on Friday night.  I didn't worry about it too much because I had had some mild cramping ever since getting pregnant.  Early Saturday morning I went to the bathroom, and when I wiped and did my obsessive am I bleeding check, I had bright red blood staring back at me. I thought, "It is just a fluke.  It will stop.  I have read a ton about people having some kind of spotting during their first trimester."  I went back to sleep.  I had a horrible nightmare about miscarrying.  I woke up and went to the bathroom, and the bright red blood still there.  I just started crying and got back in bed.  Jack kept asking me what was wrong, but I couldn't make the words come out of my mouth.  I didn't want to say it.  I didn't want to tell him about my dream.  I didn't want to tell him what I had seen.  It took me a good 30 minutes to calm down.  I finally told him.  He went into a who do we need to call?  What do I need to do?  fit.  I told him I didn't know if I wanted him to take me to the hospital.  He finally just called my mom and told her what was going on.  She told me to call the doctor's office even though it was Saturday, and someone would be there to have a doctor to call me back. "Jennifer, babies are born every day of the week at all times of the day.  Someone will be there to talk to."  I called and then had to call another number to talk to a person.  I gave them my information.  Five minutes later a doctor called me back.  He told me I needed to take it easy for the next couple of days and at the most run a couple of errands but nothing more.  No sex, no strenuous activity, just rest.  If it continues, I need to call and ask them to squeeze me in on Monday.  If it gets to where it is 2 to 3 times my normal period, I need to call back.  I called my mom back just to let her know what the doctor said.  She tried to reassure me that she spotted with me and Will.  She has also had a miscarriage.  I let her go and talk to Jack.  He just says whatever I need to do for you I will.  We make the decision to go to his mom's house.  I, of course, will not drive and all I have to do is go and lie on the couch there.  He really wanted to see his nephew.  I wish ya'll could have seen his nephew's face when Jack walked in.  It lit up like Santa Claus just walked in the room.  It was so precious. 
  I let Jack's mom know what is going on.  She also informs me that she spotted with Jack.  When we finish up and Jack's mom's house, we come home.  I lounge around all day long.  I eventually get to sleep, but I wake up at 4 in the morning.  In that moment I remember what is happening, and I rush into the bathroom to see if it has gotten any better or worse.  At that moment, I feel like it has gotten worse.  My brain is not telling me, "You have been laying down for the past x hours, and of course everything that has been sitting there is now going to look like a lot."  I start boo hooing and can't go back to sleep. 
   Jack must have realized I wasn't in the bed with him because he starts yelling for me and asking me if I am ok.  I get out a very weak, "No"  He rushes to be by my side.  I just start crying again.  He tells me all I am doing the whole day is laying around the house.  I don't have to get anything for myself to just tell him.  My surmise that I was in the bathroom every 45 minutes to see if it had gotten any better.  I feel like I am currently having a very light period with clots.  I never see a clot until I pee. That is when it hits the toliet. When he told me yesterday, "two to three times [my] normal period," I wanted to say, "my periods are really heavy regularly.  How the hell am I supposed to know what you mean?"   So now, I am wondering well is this it?  Am I miscarrying?  Is it something else?  I have had light cramping all day long.  I have been using a pad, but there hasn't been a point where I felt like I had to change it due to it being full.  I just change it for the fresh feeling.  I hate pads.  They gross me out.  I am calling first thing in the morning to see if they will squeeze me in, so I can find out what is going on.  If I am miscarrying, I just want to know so that I can grieve instead of crying because of the worry.  I am thankfully off of work this week except for in the morning.  I have to be at work to open my store.  Then I am going to wait on Joyce to get there and leave.  Hopefully, I will have a doctor's appointment.  If not, I am going straight home for some more bedrest.  For now, I am going to attempt sleep yet again.